I just had to write my thoughts out before I go crazy and sink in my own emotions.
Trying to get pregnant can quickly overwhelm you and take over your life. Since I got married last December, almost every single day I will google on "signs of pregnancy" and anything related to pregnancy. I became obsessed. I check on my calendar nak tau bila subur everyday and buat countdown. A friend suggested to eat black pepper if I really want to get pregnant and I actually believed (tapi tak cuba sebab dia tipu.)
I cried everytime I had my period. Menangis yang sungguh-sungguh. But the real question is do I really want to have a baby and be a mom or I want to have a baby sebab dah ramai sangat orang tanya?
I think the latter. Ramai sangat dah orang tanya pasal baby and one time I had to swear that I am not pregnant sebab orang tu kata i tipu. Dia siap pegang perut I kata nampak perut dah naik! Which makes me really sad cause Im just fat and not pregnant. Boohoo!
Jadi lagi awkward bila ada kawan yang serba salah nak bagitau yang dia pregnant. Girl, just because a person is sad for herself does not mean she is not happy for her friends. I am happy for all of my girls yang dah ada baby and yang tengah pregnant. Tak, tak jealous pun. Tak sedih pun. Im so happy. Tapi before telling me that you are pregnant tak payah la start ayat with "I harap u tak sedih", "I harap you tak terasa". Im your friend and of course Im happy for you.
I think its time for me to stop hoping. Aturan Allah itu cantik. I yakin.
Bersyukur sebab ada suami yang sabar layan bini dia ni. Tuhan nak bagi kita bermanja beromantik dulu. Thank you sayang. Ill start focusing on my career and sementara belum ada baby ni kita dating la puas-puas okay.
You kata apa haritu? Nak bawak I pergi Amsterdam kan? Ke nak pergi Jepun? Hewhew.